Advice and Communication

Hey Game Fans, we’re back with what I hope is an article that you can all find something useful in.  Today we’re going to talk a little bit about advice and communication and how they come flying across the internet at breakneck speeds.  Sometimes this awesome, as you can get direct feedback about a problem you are having.  Sometimes it can suck, because you can get direct feedback about all the problems you’re not having.  Let’s dig in a little bit, and today I’m going to talk about a couple of things that I hope makes your gaming experience better for everyone involved.

So, every once in a while, you’re going to hit a bump in the road in your gaming experience.  It happens to everybody.  Whether it’s an in-game disagreement about what you and the rest of the party want the group to do, a fight over loot, or interpersonal interactions that are unpleasant, these things happen.  There’s also the possibility of a disagreement between the DM and another player over a rules question, a bad call, or an overarching issue with the way the game is going.  These are all very common. 

So, what’s the thing that some folks do?  Well, some of us hop on the internet and ask questions on twitter, or in Discord, or in any of the other social media sites that we all have access to.  It’s easy to do.  I’ve done it a couple of times myself, and I see the questions pop up all the time on Twitter.  I used to see them a lot on Facebook, but I don’t use that platform as much anymore. 

However, let me save you a step in the process of this.  Notice I said some folks hop on the net.  Other folks take a more immediate action and talk to the people who are causing the disruption.  If it’s bothering you, there’s a decent chance it’s bothering other people at the table too.  Talk about it with the other players at the table.  Roleplaying games are built on social interaction and the ability to communicate freely with each other.  Embrace that foundation and talk about the issues.

I understand that you may not be comfortable bringing up the issues that you’re having with other players (I include the DM as a player in this, because ultimately, they are a part of the shared storytelling experience you are all trying to build together), but you can’t let that stop you.  You are feeling uncomfortable because of something that happened during the game, and if you keep quiet, it’s probably going to happen again.  This isn’t going to make it any easier on you the second or third time, and that discomfort is going to kill the fun you were having with the game.  Ultimately, if the game stops being fun, then why are you playing it?

If you point out to the folks you are having the disagreement with what’s going on and that it’s making you feel uncomfortable, there are a lot of possible outcomes, but let’s look at two probable scenarios.  First, the offending party accepts that the situation is unpleasant for you (and probably the rest of the table) and work to not cause a repeat incident.  The other likely alternative involves some more negativity and something along the lines of “Well that’s your problem, not mine,” being tossed around like a hand grenade.

Situation 1 is the outcome we’re all hoping for.  Situation 2 can be the start of a longer issue, that may end up with someone leaving the group.  If you don’t feel safe, and you don’t feel comfortable at a gaming table, and you’ve tried your best to work with the group, it may be time to move on.  I know that sounds heavy, but if you aren’t having fun at what you’re doing, then maybe you should find new people to do it with?  If you decide that it’s time to go, be open and up front about it.  Tell the group that you’re leaving and why.  Remember, communication is essential to happy and fun gaming experiences for everybody at the table.

Now the other tricky aspect of today is the advice question.  Much like the problems above question, either a player or a dungeon master will come to a question they don’t have an easy answer for and they turn to the interweb for an answer.  Now the answer I have for this one is a little different, but runs on a similar idea.  Your table is a unique combination of players that no other table in the world is going to match exactly, so take advice very easily.

First, everybody has an opinion on what the right (especially the wrong) way to play dungeons and dragons is.  That’s great that they have, but remember, they’re opinions.  You are totally free (and encouraged) to disregard an opinion that doesn’t work for your table.  Some suggestions are going to be very broad like “Have you considered throwing in more treasure?”  to very very specific like “If the characters haven’t gotten at least 1600 GP by level 5, they are going to riot.”  Will they? I don’t know, but you probably do, it’s your table after all. 

Second, everyone is going to offer you a suggestion for how to make your game “better.” Most of us mean well, and are coming from a place of support.  The thing we are ignoring in most of the cases is that your game is fine and you are probably having fun without us butting in and opining what could make it better.  Better how?  What’s wrong with it in the first place?  (the answer is probably nothing, unless you are having an issue with a player or the game).  This can trigger a host of other anxieties and issues that leads to a spiral of more anxiety.  I don’t want anyone to feel that way about the game they are playing. 

So, what does this all boil down to?  Well, two key things.  Communication is important to the health and wellbeing of a gaming group.  Without it, the group doesn’t have the implied trust and care that makes an RPG experience so enriching.  Open communication is a wonderful thing for a table and it makes everything better for everyone playing. 

Secondly, Advice is something that gets offered a lot.  Some of it is helpful, but most of it is going to require some refinement.  Not everything is one size fits all, especially for a roleplaying game.  You know your table better than anyone else who isn’t sitting at it.  Feel free to ignore or discard advice that isn’t going to help you.  There’s a lot of it out there.

Anyway, Game on, Game fans, and we’ll see you next time.